Manifest magic. Episode 2 - 14 Feb 2022 - #HappyAF Show

Welcome to HappAF people. My name’s Sam Bowker. I am your host for today and this beautiful music that you’re listening to in the background is my beautiful friend, all the way from America, the beautiful Kevin Lawson. This is called ‘Wanna Be’ and he said I can use it and I love this music so much because it’s all about being who you wanna be, okay?

I don’t know about you but I don’t wanna be anyone else. I just wanna be me. I really like it so I’m just going to let it play in the background for a minute because it kind of makes me feel really good when I get to hear this song.

Last week I talked to you a little bit about finding your song. So I’ve got a question. Did you guys go out there? Did you do it? Did you find a song that makes you feel good? We are compiling a list of songs.

They’re going to be the HappyAF Playlist and we’re going to put it all together on Spotify and we’re going to share it with you guys. So, we want all of your suggestions. If you’ve got a song that fills up your cup, that makes you feel good, then please share it. You don’t have to share the link if that’s too much of a mission, just what’s the name of it and who’s the artist, so that we can find it.

Anyway, welcome to the second episode of HappyAF. As I said, my name’s Sam Bowker. I’m the host and I’m super grateful that you are here with me today. Oh my Gosh, it’s Valentine’s Day. Now look, I don’t typically buy into this whole commercial thing. What I will say is Valentine’s Day is one of those days that we get to express our love. If you don’t have that one particular special person-I asked my daughter last night if she would be my Valentine and of course she said yes. So, I’d like to ask all of you, will you be my Valentine? If you don’t have someone special-everybody has at least one person special, whether it’s a dog or a cat or a mum or a dad or a brother, or a sister or a partner. If you don’t have someone special then this is the place to be because this tribe has been created to help you become the best version of yourself. To become Mindset Warriors and essentially this show is all about learning how to do happy.

Now, I really want to share something with you today. I’ve got to tell you-if I did not love what I do, today is one of those days I would not have gotten out of bed. I want to share this story with you because I’m really-there’s a few parts to this story so just bear with me okay-I’m really curious whether or not you guys can relate to this. I am going through this situation right now with my mouth. For someone who does what I do for a living, I don’t shut up. So I am talking all of the time. To have a sore mouth is probably like a tennis player having a sore hand or a soccer player having a sore foot. It’s kind of not conducive for our work. I’ve been having this going on for about four or five weeks now, and the upshot is that I lost a couple of kilos which, you know, to be fair I don’t know any woman on the planet that doesn’t mind losing a couple of kg’s especially after the Christmas break. However, this has continued to go on and if I didn’t love what I do, then I would not have gotten up.

What I really wanted to share with you about this is it’s really interesting. This-what it’s looking like is now the problem-and honestly this is related to us doing happy. It looks like it’s my wisdom tooth that’s causing issues. Now, here’s the thing. Wisdom teeth? I thought we did that nonsense back in our 20’s and in fact I’ve got a pretty funny story about my wisdom tooth back when I was about 23. I was living in Canada. I’ll place the scene for you. I was living in Canada. I was living in Whistler. I was hanging out. I was snowboarding. I was partying. Life was pretty good, and then I started having problems with my mouth. Anybody who has ever travelled as a young person-these days you wouldn’t be allowed to get into the country without a couple of grand in your account-I literally turned up to Canada with 300 bucks in my account back in 1996-yes I’m that old-I know I look fabulous but the reality is it was a while ago. I turned up there and I didn’t have health insurance. Then I started having problems with my wisdom teeth. I was in so much pain this one day from my wisdom tooth, that I literally passed out, hit the concrete, smashed my nose, broke my nose, and then woke-obviously knocked myself out unconscious and woke to hear people screaming, “Call an ambulance.” Me there going, “No. Don’t call an ambulance. I haven’t got any health insurance.”

In this country it’s different but over in Canada and America, you don’t want to end up having to go into hospital if you don’t have insurance. Anyway, that all got dealt with. I came back to Australia. I went to Tony Robbins-I talked a bit about that last week. So it was all how it was supposed to be. But it’s interesting that my wisdom tooth is now giving me grief again. I didn’t even know I had any of those left.

The reason I’m sharing this story with you though is-not even about the fact that it’s a bit funny that it’s a wisdom tooth-because two people when I told them this story-my dad being one of them and the other being one of my besties. They both went, “Oh, you’re finally getting wise.” When you’re in pain, you don’t have much of a sense of humour. So I wanted to punch them both, but it still was a bit funny.

The reason I’m actually sharing this story with you is that what meaning we assign to these things, can determine how we feel about it.

So I could make up a story about this. I could make up a story about my mouth. We were supposed to start this show on the 31st-I set a goal last year at a workshop that one of the things I was going to do was I was going to start this show on the 31st of January. Then my mouth just got sorer and sorer and I had to put the date back because I literally on the 31st of January I couldn’t speak. My mouth was hurting that much.

I didn’t go into too much story about. I just went, oh well that’s okay. We’re only a week behind. Isn’t it great that we’re still starting the show in a week? I’ve been in pain ever since and I’m going through this process and I’m dealing with it. But those of you that know me well know that up until recently you would never have heard me mention or reference the word ‘God’. God used to be such a big trigger for me. I used to say, “Universe, angels, spirit” and then I’ve kind of gone through this-I don’t know-something’s happened in the last few years. I do know but it’s not what this show is about. I’ll explain this another time if anyone’s interested. But what’s interesting is that I listened to this sermon recently-and I promise you, if you don’t believe in God it’s okay because I’m going to relate it back in a different way that I’m not going to use those words.

I listened to a sermon by this guy called Steven Furtick who is super cute and he’s a pastor and I love his stories. I talk a lot about storytelling, because our beliefs are just stories. What we believe, will determine how we feel. So if this whole show is about learning how to do happy, then I definitely need to be talking to you a lot about your beliefs. I need to be talking to you about what beliefs you have, where they came from, are they serving you, or are they not?

In this sermon, this guy turned around and he said, “The devil never wastes bullets.” I was like, “Oh my gosh.” He said, “Trust me, when you start shining bright, when you are in the light, when you are doing that thing you were put on this planet to do, there is a chance that you’re going to start getting taken out.”

He used that terminology, but I’m going to put it another way for all of you people out there that are like I used to be-that get triggered by the word ‘God’. What I now realise is that triggering around the word ‘God’ for me was about healing some stories that had happened to me when I was in a kid in school, with a stupid fucking scripture teacher, who was just a dickhead, who made me feel really shit about myself and wouldn’t answer questions. So, that was part of the journey, and then I looked for evidence to back up the fact that this guy was a dickhead and therefore everything God related was a dickhead. It doesn’t matter. Maybe you believe in God. Or not.

What I know is everybody tends to either believe in God, or Universe, or spirit or angels. We all have a story. But, I believe that whether it’s God and the Devil, lightness and darkness, the black wolf and the white wolf (the Cherokee Indian story). It doesn’t matter. There is good and bad. Light and dark. Love, hate. Love, fear. It’s all the same thing. So it doesn’t matter. Whatever words you want to use, use them.

So, interesting that when I decide to start a show called HappyAF with the intention of reaching a billion people on the planet, and helping them to tap into their inner fabulosity, and help them become a shining light for humanity, which means they have to be living their life on purpose. They get to be doing happy and more importantly, not only do they need to learn how to frame their life around doing happy, it’s important that once they learn how to do that, they go out and teach others to do it. Because it’s really my mission that if I can teach just you, just one of you, to do something and then you teach one more person, and that person teaches one more person.

Pay It Forward. I might have mentioned it last week. If I haven’t, you’ll hear me bang on about it a lot because that movie was a game-changer for me. When I watched that movie, I was like, “Wow, one person really can positively impact the planet. And you only need to look at people like Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela-I’m not suggesting I’m like them but these people were just one person and they made a profound impact on the planet because they had a belief, which was just a story, and they went out there and they spruiked that story.

So-with my mouth being really sore-if I had anything on today that was something that I really felt was really important-which is the work that I do-I would be in bed right now. My little girl is at home, she’s not feeling well. She hasn’t got Covid. We did a test just to make sure, but you know, she’s not feeling well and right now I’d really like to be in bed snuggling my little human. I will go back to her after I do this show.

The reason I’m sharing all this with you is more around what story do I make up about my mouth? I could make up a story that the reason this is happening is because I’m on the wrong track. Who am I to think I could start a show called HappyAF? Who am I to think that I could possibly impact the lives of one billion people? Seriously? Are you on crack? What are you thinking? No way. This is the universe, God, whoever, shutting you down and going, “Shut the fuck up sister. This is not a good idea. This is bad. It’s already been done before. No one’s interested in what you’ve got to say. Don’t do it. It’s dumb.” I could make that story up and that could be true.

Or, like Steven Furtick said, “The devil doesn’t waste bullets.”

I could choose to change the story and go, “Wow. I must definitely be on the right track.” They, whoever they are, may be afraid that I am actually hitting the right spot. What if I did go out and positively impact the lives of a billion people? What if I did teach a billion people how to do happy? And that billion people went and helped another billion people and that billion people went and helped-have you seen that situation?

I saw this-I don’t know. It might’ve even been a Ted talk and it was like this glass of jellybeans. Somebody remind me to find the jellybean story and I will post it up. They showed you the multiplying effect of putting the jellybean in, and then another jellybean and then another. And then how everything kind of adds to and grows.

How would you like to be responsible for helping just one person and that one person that grows? What if we created a movement of teaching people how to do happy? What if there was no such thing as mental health issues? What if we talked about mental wellness instead of mental health issues? I don’t know about you but I’d love to live in a world where that’s the case.

So, listen, last week we talked a lot about music. The reason I talk a lot about music is music is the easiest, quickest way to change your state. So, if you are not feeling good, go and put some good music on. Don’t put some sad music on. Put some good music on. Music that makes you feel good. Music that takes you back. Find some old school rock and roll. It’ll make you feel good.

The second thing is stop comparing yourself to others. I’m doing this show-this is a brand new show-and I’m going to suck up a lot along the way. I acknowledge it. It’s going to be a podcast. I have big lofty goals, but I also acknowledge that there is other people out there that are already doing stuff very similar to what I’m going to do. It doesn’t matter. They’re not my people. And there can never be enough people out there doing this kind of work. There can never be enough people out there spreading the word that helps people live a happy, positive successful life. So, me comparing myself to any of the people that I follow, that are incredibly successful, that have millions of followers-if I rank my success based on how many followers I have or if I rank my success based on how many likes I have, the reality is that I am still comparing myself and I’m going at it from an ego based level, which is dumb. Because I said last week, if I help just one person, and I already know I helped at least one person. Obviously I want to help more, but if I help one person every week, then it hasn’t been a waste of time. So, stop comparing yourself because that’s not going to help you.

Don’t let those external forces determine your happiness. There’s a whole bunch of stuff going on in Australia right now-and I’m not going to go into it-but it’s stuff that until someone mentioned it to me, I didn’t even know it was going on. Wherever you’re at in this journey, in this lifetime, just don’t allow yourself to get dragged into other people’s stuff. If it’s your stuff, cool. Just be really mindful of your energy because you’re going to infect people wherever you go.

So, what do you want to infect people with? Do you want to infect them with toxic, negative poison energy and problem after problem? Or do you want to be a solution maker? You want to be someone who provides solutions to people’s problems. I know that’s where I sit. When people come to me and all they talk about is this is my problem, and this is my problem. That’s not doing happy. That’s like really doing sad. I don’t want to do that.

In terms of regrets, I have fucked up more than most people have had hot dinners. I truly believe that the only reason I would regret something is if I didn’t learn something.

So, we’re always learning. We’re always growing. So my intention with this show is really to just keep, each week, give you some new resource.

Last week it was all about music and changing your physiology. This week it’s all about the power of the reframe. A reframe is just the story that you choose to tell. I’m going to talk a lot about our stories, and I know-people that know me well, they kind of get crazy. “Oh my God, Sam. You’re always banging on about the story.” Here’s the thing though, we are talking all of the time-some of us more than others, women definitely more than men. That’s just the external chatter. If you’re a kid, the internal chatter-I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid and it wasn’t a big thing back then-but the reality is normal people have got a bunch of thoughts-let’s just say it was a hundred thoughts per minute. Someone with ADHD, they might have a thousand thoughts. It’s not that they’ve got better thoughts or anything, it’s just that their brain thinks slightly different. If they speak all of those thoughts out, well if they’re all positive, that’s great. But what if they’re all negative. What if your internal story is, “I’m no good. The world’s a bad place. It’s scary. Everything’s really bad right now. Oh my God. How are we ever going to recover from this? The impact on the world … lah lah lah.” If that’s our story, then what’s going to happen is, your reticular activating system-I’m going to talk a lot about this-it is the filter between your conscious and your subconscious-and here’s the thing. We consciously or unconsciously program our RAS to look for information. So, if you’ve got a negative mindset. If you’re filling your brain with Negative Energy Well Spoken (NEWS)-if you are filling your brain with that stuff, then what happens is your brain takes in all this negative information, it keeps it here inside and then your RAS goes and looks for more information and evidence to back up that story.

So it’s pretty easy to see how people can do negative. They first of all fill their brain with negative stories, internally, themselves. Like, “I’m no good. I used to be good back when… My life was great before. Back in the old days when I had this.” And so they’ll have this horrible, negative story and then their RAS, their filter, will go and find evidence to back up why that story is true.

If you’re in charge of that story, and you don’t feel good, then you’re in charge of changing that story. I remember-probably the very first time I heard Tony Robbins speak-his big thing was:

Change your Story. Change your Life.

Now, back then you didn’t hear it a lot. You’ll hear it a lot now, because a lot of us that have all gone through Tony Robbins or that have experienced other people who have been through Tony Robbins-will talk a lot about Change your Story, Change your Life. So if you have a limiting belief around something right now, it’s your job to decide what would that story need to be? If I made up a story right now that the reason I’m in pain is because God or the Devil or the Universe is trying to shut me down because what I’m saying is not important. It’s not adding value. It’s really dumb. Who do I think I am to go out there and shine bright? People are going to think I’m an idiot. Blah blah blah. That could be a story that could take me down and shut me down. Maybe that’s true, but that’s a story I’m not going to feed. Because that would be like me feeding the dark wolf.

When we talk about the white wolf and the dark wolf-the Cherokee Indian story-what they basically say is that there is a white wolf and a dark wolf inside of each and every one of us. The white wolf is filled with love and light and gratitude and peace. The dark wolf is filled with anger and greed and jealousy. The simple fact is these two wolves are always fighting. We could also say God, Devil. We could also say lightness, darkness. It doesn’t matter. They’re just words. So whatever words land for you, you fill in the blank. I’m not attached to any of them because I accept they are just words. The reality is, whichever one of those stories you feed the most, is the one that is going to win.

I like the wolf analogy because I can visualise. I love it so much I’ve had it painted on a denim jacket. That’s how much I believe in this light and dark. You can’t have one without the other, they are both always there, but which one do you feed the most.

If you’re watching this live here with me, or even if you’re just watching it on replay, in YouTube, please go ahead and just write #lightness, #darkness, #love, #fear. Where do you live mostly? Do you find yourself living down here, or do you find yourself up here? More importantly, is it where you want to be? Because my goal is to take you, even if you are a nine, I want to help you get to a ten. If you’re a five, I want to help you move up to a six or a seven or an eight. My goal is to get you up so that you’re feeling better every day in every single way.

The power of your story-your body is one part-but the power of your story is huge as well. So I believe every single human being on this planet has a reason for being here. You already had to fight out millions of other sperms to actually make it. So just by even existing, you have worth. You matter. You are important. No matter what shitty story you’ve been told, no matter how many people have shit on you, no matter how many bad things have happened to you, no matter what experiences you’ve had in this lifetime-you are worthy. You do matter. You are important and you do deserve to be here. You have worth.

You are in charge of your story. Don’t let some other fucker be the one that tells you who you are. If you’re in a relationship right now where someone tells you things that are negative and disempowering … if they say to you, “Oh you should lose a few kilos. Geez you’re looking a bit overweight.” Or, “Nobody would ever take you if I left you.” Or, “You’d be nobody without me. You’re nothing. You’re nobody.”

Let me ask you, all of those parents out there, if you ever saw somebody speak to a little child like that out in the street, and they were leaning over them and they were looking at them and saying, “You don’t matter. You’re not important. You’re nothing. You’re nobody. Nobody’s ever going to care about you.” Would you think that’s okay? I know a lot of Muma bears and papa bears out there that would go over and get in the middle of that shit. Yeah? And they’d be ready to rumble. If it was their kid, whoa, who knows what would happen.

Here’s the thing. What I just demonstrated to you, is how so many people talk to themselves.

The stories they are telling themselves are horrific. They would never say those stories to someone they loved. They would never go out there and say, “You are nobody and you’re unimportant and you don’t matter and you’re nothing.” Yet, that is the internal dialogue that they are saying.

The thing is this. You are in charge of it. No matter how you feel right now, I promise you, I don’t care whether you have been diagnosed with clinical depression, clinical deep anxiety, whatever. I’m not saying that stuff doesn’t exist. I am saying-and by the way I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a psychiatrist. I believe in all of those things. I have a psychiatrist. So, I’m a huge fan. I’m not anti any of this. But what I am saying is there’s a huge portion that you can do for you. There is a huge portion of things you can do for yourself. I really believe there is only a very small percentage of the planet, who really needs to be on antidepressants.

I believe if you had the resources and if you were taught how to do happy-that chemical imbalance? Yes, I believe that that exists. I do, okay? I’m sure I’m going to get some haters on here who are going to throw shit at me. I have just recently gone on ADHD medication for the first time in my life-actually it’s the second time I’ve given it a crack, because I realised there was things that were starting to impact me. I don’t know-the jury’s out. I’ll let you know. I fought it for a long time but I’ve realised now that there are certain parts of my life that are impacted by this and if I continue to stick my head in the sand without at least giving it a red hot go-then I’m just as bad as the people that are out there just medicating everybody.

I’m not anti-medication and I’m not anti-diagnosis. What I am is I am pro doing as much as you can for yourself. I am pro getting as resourced and tool kitted up as you can. You don’t go and build a house with a screwdriver. You go and build a house with a toolkit, and you get a specialist in, someone who know what they’re doing. So I’m a huge fan of all of that but today is all about, what is the story you’re telling yourself.

So I want you to think about, what is the story, what is the consistent pattern of stories that you tell yourself that are not serving you right now. I’m not enough. Nobody loves me. I’ll be worthy when I get a man. I’ll be worthy when I get a girlfriend. I’m never going to have a baby. I don’t deserve a baby. I mustn’t deserve a baby, that’s why I have never fallen pregnant. I deserve to be treated like this because I’m worthless. I was assaulted because I’m ugly.

What’s the horrible shitty story that you tell yourself, that is keeping you stuck in a pattern that is not serving you to go out and shine bright? Because I promise you, you do not serve anybody-yourself included-by dimming your light.

There’s a beautiful poem, which I’m going to post up in the group today, and it is one of my favourite poems by Marion Williamson and I won’t even bother trying to quote it, because I will stuff it up royally and it’s often been mistaken as a Nelson Mandela quote because he spoke it in one of his inaugural speeches. But the general gist of the poem is, you will not help anybody by dimming your light. It is your job to go out and shine bright. But from a very early age we are told, as children-our light is dimmed as a child. We’re told we’re too noisy, we’re too loud. Geez, you’re very precocious. You’re very out there. You’ve always got something to say. We’re learning from a really young age to dim our light so that we don’t make other people feel uncomfortable.

Fuck that.

Go out. Shine bright. That’s what this show is all about. This is about learning how to do happy. It’s about going out and shining bright. So that story that you’re telling yourself, I want you to look at it and I want you to just flick it around. If you’re saying, “I am not enough,” I want you to change it to, “I am enough.” If you’ve got a story that you’ve been shut down because you’re not worthy, change the story to you’re being shut down because you’re starting to have an impact and you’re starting to get traction.

That’s why I loved it when I heard this guy say, “The Devil doesn’t waste bullets.” For me that was a lightbulb moment and those of you that know me well-and some of you here have known me for years and years-I know you’ll be rolling over on your sides that I’m even referencing the devil or God-but they’re just stories too. That’s how I’ve come at it now. I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether you talk God, whether you talk Universe, whether you talk darkness, light, love. It is all the same. Love and fear. That’s what we’re talking about.

So if what you’re experiencing from someone is not love, then you are experiencing fear. I make a choice now to come from love every day. I have a heart. I have a heart tattooed on my arm. My business is called Happy U. Love. This thing that I fought for so many years and then one day I woke up and realised that I’d actually been doing it for so long, I’d just been getting caught up in a word.

Someone quoted-when I ended up in church one day-after my daughter came home and I panicked because she said she wanted to die so that she could be with God and she was five years old. I lost my shit and freaked out and was like, “Oh my God. What are you guys teaching my kid?” and this guy just quoted Shakespeare. It was something like, a rose by any other name is still a rose. I don’t know what happened for me that day when I went to church but that definitely started me on a journey to not being so triggered by that word.

I reconnected with a friend who I had lost connection with and we were sitting there quoting sermons with each other-which is hilarious and she’d started going to the church. Before, there’s no way either one of us would ever have done that. Somehow we both had come to this same place. So, this today, I know may feel a bit rambly-and I’m always going to be a bit of a rambler because it’s how I do things.

What I want to say is this, to finish up, “You have the power to reframe your story however you want it to be.” So whatever you want to be, whatever you want to do, I want you to start writing that stuff down because when you write it down, magic happens. When you write it down, you start programming your reticular activating system-RAS for short-you start programming it to look for things.

I drive-I just bought myself a new white Ford Everest and before I had that Ford Everest, truthfully I never really noticed them on the roads. But I see them everywhere. There is not more of those cars on the road than there were before I bought them, but they’re everywhere now. That’s called your RAS going this is now important. You’ve got one, it’s important. Same, same. These people-it’s almost like there’s kind of like a bit of a-you wave your hand at people when you see them in their Ford. Just understand this. This reticular activating system is a powerful tool. It can be used for good and it can be used for bad. You get to decide. It can be used to find love or it can be used for fear. You get to decide.

You are in charge of the narrative. You would not watch a shitty movie again and again. But a good movie-a movie that you know is good-you’ll watch that again and again because you know-because you like the certainty of it. You know it feels good. You know it’s going to feel good by the end of it. So I want you to start really thinking, what is your internal chatter saying?

By the way, if you struggle a bit with that inner critic, I’ve got a free magic pdf called Seven Steps to Taming the Inner Critic. If you want it, just type in #innercritic and I will get it out to you. Because there are things that you can do. We only have 30 minutes every week, but I want to hang out with you guys. I’ve already gone over-I want to give you as much as I can. So just remember, you’re in charge of your story. You get to decide whether you do happy or you do sad. It takes just as much work-or you could do mad. Happy. Sad. Mad. Make a choice. It’s up to you.

Move your body.

Tell yourself a story.

Choose to filter the right information in and it will determine how you feel.

So, me? I choose to do happy. I choose to experience this pain in my mouth and go, “You know what? It’s so important that I’m here today.” If I have to do it from bed, I’ll do it that way, but I was able to get up today and get here and I hope you’ve enjoyed what you got out of today’s show.

Listen, go ahead and share. What is it that you struggle with the most? What did you get most out of today’s show? If you’re watching this on YouTube, make sure you like, make sure you subscribe. If you didn’t like it, make sure you don’t like it and tell me why you didn’t like it.

Tell me what you’d like to see, because I really want to be here and I want to show up. I want to share as much as I can. One billion people. That’s a lot of people.

I’d also like to know. I really would be curious. What is the population of the planet? Let’s see if we can do some maths here. I have no idea. Maths is not my strength. But I’d like to know. How long would it take us?

If I impacted one billion people and got them to tap into their inner fabulosity and they went out and shone bright-and then they helped a billion people-and then they helped a billion people-how long would it take us? If I had done that by tomorrow, how long would it take us to positively impact the entire planet? It’s a pretty lofty goal I know but hey, there’s no point in aiming small. One thing I learnt early in life is if you aim small, you’re likely to achieve it and then get disappointed.

So, make big lofty goals people.

Have a magic day.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of HappyAF.

My name is Sam Bowker. Make today count. You are never going to get it back.

I love you guys and I will see you next week.


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